Many a times I have observed even in my home, elders lead a quiet life, tucked away from the world outside of their room. Families are hesitant to involve them or call them out each time, sometimes on purpose or because they are not sure if grandma wants to engage.

It is important to realise that, one of the key contributors of  quality of life for an elder is the need to feel involved, feeling a sense of purpose in the household. It is not that they want to participate actively in everything that is going on, but contrary to what may be projected, they are not indifferent towards what’s going on- infact they would love the feeling that they are being updated about key events or decisions. Making them feel involved by inviting them to participate in small activities such as unpacking a home delivery parcel and seeing it together; introducing them to visitors who come home can make a huge difference to their self esteem. 

Another key communication piece is asking for their opinion (even if you have already taken the decision). Just the gesture that it still matters to you what they think would mean a lot to an elder. When it comes to complex problems, converse in a manner which is simple for them to understand, process and respond effectively so the purpose of doing so is not lost.

Making sure that the grandparents are part of all family meals together at a table, is a very important part of communicating with them, making them feel part of the family everyday. Some elders do need that reassurance esp when we continue to lead busy lifestyles. Communicating with elders does not necessarily mean sitting with them separately for a long time, but small gestures that make them feel being a part of the household; make them feel that they are involved and that their opinion is heard goes a long way in their well being.

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Festivals have a certain charm around them, some magical dust, always something to look forward to..creating memories and nostalgia at the same time.

At Epoch homes, all team members enjoy celebrating all kinds of traditional festivals with our elderly residents. Traditions are best learnt from elders, and our dadas and dadis at Epoch love to follow and live upto old traditions. We also see this as an opportunity to involve them and seek their advice since they have so much to share, so much to relive!

Festivity and celebrations have several aspects like traditional food, decorations, music, bright clothes! Smiles and laughter radiate a sense of community and bonhomie. As part of these celebrations, we always have a little song and dance, which is curated by our own staff team. Our staff wears relevant costumes and performs these ‘shows’! At Onam, we have staff perform Pulikali and serve Onam Sadya; at Dussehra, they enact the Ravana mythology and burn cute effigies; Independence & Republic days are all about reminiscing pre partition stories and feeling patriotic! Residents also participate in these activities to the best of their ability and soak in the atmosphere.

At Diwali, everyone in the Epoch homes- our team and all our residents perform the evening Diwali pooja -however old they may be, or even if they are not completely physically mobile. At Lohri, we light the traditional bonfire, play Punjabi songs, and make the traditional offerings of peanuts, popcorn, til etc. to the bonfire. During Christmas, all our residents are greeted by Santa Claus, and get their special gift!

It is worth that little extra effort since there is an overall sense of inclusiveness, positivity, nostalgia and fond long-lasting memories. Our very special moment is when our 85 year old Uncle says _‘Today’s Holi celebrations reminded me of how I used to enjoy with the pichkaari with my brothers in Pind!’_. 

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Festivals & some old world charm

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The birth of a grandchild changes everything in a grandparent’s life...We have seen intergenerational interactions work beautifully since these are both age cohorts that require that extra attention and supervision.

At Epoch homes, we have often invited little kids from prep, nursery, kindergarten to come over, along with their teachers. We encourage these kids to just play around and be themselves and there is no pressure of formal interaction or activities. The toddlers don’t hesitate, they are so disarmingly and a delight to have around. They go and charmingly tug at a dadi’s dupatta with an innocent smile, or gently tap the hand of an uncle who is sitting by himself. Suddenly we see our elderly residents becoming very responsible in front of the kids. It is a beautiful metamorphosis that you can see. Though many of our residents are dependent, they start being concerned about the well-being of the kids and take care of the kids in their own way. For the kids, it normalizes seeing and naturally interacting with the older generation who may be in wheelchairs, or physically unfit. As kids and the elderly mingle with one another, there is unconditional warmth from both sides, which is truly therapeutic and generates positive vibes. 

We have also seen that in their own homes, grandchildren play a very important role in managing conditions like dementia of the grandparents esp in engaging them in activities or a routine. Role reversals play out beautifully- the grandchild becomes the responsible one and the elder is happy to follow their lead.

In Japan, there are Montessori schools within retirement communities. On one hand, it helps the kids of staff members to attend school within the premises, and, on the other hand, it also helps the interaction of the kids with elders.  It would be great to see this trend pick up in India also, as it is a win-win situation for society at large.

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When toddlers meet dadis!

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Saregama Carvaan _(note: this is not a paid promotion)_ is a fantastic collation of all the lovely music across various decades and types of music. For many of us (elders and young music lovers!) it solved a big problem. We now do not have to take the effort of putting together a playlist, and it is a great gift item, specially for elders. At Epoch too, it has been a great boon for us! 

Music has always been the multi-talented and versatile companion. From being pursued as a hobby, to helping manage or express emotions, to being part of active therapy to simply being a companion in the room- music is appreciated if not passionately loved by one and all. As part of the ageing process, the much loved TV and soap operas slowly start losing it’s relevance- largely because it becomes too loud a stimulii for the struggling senses- either vision, hearing or both. But what continues to soothe is the presence of old songs or tunes. It also helps to overcome the feeling of void, nothingness for elders, specially when they are to themselves.


Music has a role to play throughout the day. Many elders like to start the day by listening to or singing along with an aarti or bhajan. During the day it can be an active session with antakshari, karoeke or playing a musical instrument. At bed time, soothing instrumental music can help overcome sleep issues. Very rarely have we come across elders who don’t have their old time favourite artists or albums. Our admission and ongoing processes ensures we capture these details so it can be used later during the elder’s stay. Our care attendants know the favourite bhajans of the elderly, often encouraging them to sing along. Most of our elders have these little booklets of sholkas, mantras, which they used to read whilst doing their puja. Elders find it very helpful and satisfying that they can now listen to these kathaas on the system, which helps them whilst doing the puja. This is a small, but very powerful stimulus in giving the elders the confidence that they can still do the ritual that they have done in their lives.

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Music as a guest companion

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Conversation is not the only form of communication with an elder

Many a times I have observed even in my home, elders lead a quiet life, tucked away from the world outside of their room. Families are hesitant to...

Conversation is not the only form of communication with an elder

Neha Sinha

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